G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #313 - Video Review by ComicBook.beer

Welcome back to ComicBook.Beer, where today we’ve got beer and comic books fighting for freedom over land and air. G.I. Joe is there in issue 313. Now, if you’ve been following the Joe series lately, it might be a little confusing. To be perfectly honest, I actually forget what they’re fighting about at this point. I think they’re just bored.

Take a quick look here at issue 313. I love this cover. That’s a great cover design. It’s just really eye‑catching. Bold, high contrast. It’s kind of unique in a way. They don’t normally use that color palette. Destro fighting somebody who’s probably Cobra Commander. It is Cobra Commander. I had that thing. I forget what that’s called. That’s the Dreadnoks. Whatever it is. I forget the name of it.

It was kind of fun though, you could like run over different… you could like pull them apart and cut the little rubber band in between them and drag them around and back over them and make screaming sounds and… you know, stuff that I used to do back in the day, like last week. So… alright. You haven’t read G.I. Joe in a while. They’re up to 313 now. Larry Hama’s still writing it. And I’m getting the sense that we’re reaching the end of this plot.

This plot arc, which has been going on for a while now, and it’s like, it’s a little silly. It’s a little on the silly side. They’re fighting mutant Cobra soldiers, but they’re also fighting Cobra Commander and the Dreadnoks and Destro, and Serpentor. But in the end, we’ve just come to one conclusion.

Cobra Commander is an asshole, and nobody likes him. So that’s why the Joes are teamed up with Zartan, and even Destro is on their side. And Cobra Commander made the mistake of, I guess he shot the Baroness. I think he shot the… did shoot the Baroness? Let’s see here. Got the Baroness there, not shot. Let’s see. Baroness here is shot. Yes. Okay.

Can’t remember which issue it was, but yes, the Baroness is injured, and this really pisses Destro off. So Destro is going to basically destroy the entire planet, or at least the town of Springfield, which has already been pretty much destroyed—really, what’s the difference? Trying to pick a fight with Cobra Commander, and this is a fun issue. Of the recent issues, this is my favorite one because it just really gets to the point. Cobra Commander’s an idiot, and he sucks. Nobody likes someone who’s an incompetent leader, and Destro…

Destro is actually kind of cool. So Destro basically just sneaks his way into Cobra Commander’s bunker here, kills everything in his path. Looks like the Predator. And like that shot there, little cool sparkly things that just make Destro look a little extra badass.

He can see in the dark, has cooling technology so they can’t use their thermoptics or whatever on him. Thermal whatever. I love that GI Joe’s just sort of standing there watching like, whatever.

Like they should be fighting each other—they’ve come together in their hatred of Cobra Commander. So the reality here in issue 313 is that it’s basically just one giant fight scene between Cobra Commander and Destro. It does seem somewhat lopsided, though.

Like it’s fun to see Destro just brooding. Like don’t piss this guy off. And the Joes and Zartan, as they may as well be cracking a beer back there, just watching. They’re just enjoying the show. And it’s fun. I like Cobra Commander’s new armor. It never works for him. The fight scenes are well drawn. It’s actually one of the more interesting comics lately. I think they’ve been getting a little stale in some of the previous issues, but this one really brings it back.

And it does end on a bit of a cliffhanger so we don’t really know what’s going to happen, but you want to see Cobra Commander just get the shit kicked out of him by Destro in a pretty cool and dramatic way. This is a fun issue. GI Joe 313.

Taking a look at the rest of them here in ComicBook.beer, the greatest internet video series since, I guess 80s Comics is the precursor. There’s some fun things to look for in this issue too in the background. I think Chris Mooneyham’s art really shines in this one. I think they’ll knock over his tank. That’s fitting because those things fell over all the time. It was like the most poorly designed tank ever. Like you try to go crush things and they would just go—like fall over. Come on. Stupid ass Cobra.

I like the panels in this one, look really good. Look at this. Don’t just stand there like nincompoops. Help me get into my armor. Get into the armor. Like, dress yourself. What an asshole. I like this guy. I don’t know what kind of viper that is, but that kind of makes me want to run out and buy the action figure for whoever this guy is.

It’s like all these different various vipers. The Cobra troops have all been turned into, I guess Serpentor’s troops were all turned into mutants in one of the issue 301, way back in 301. So there you go, GI Joe. That’s what Godzilla sounds like when you pour non‑alcoholic beer in there.

Still dry January, it will end soon. GI Joe issue 313. Recommended. The series is fun. They don’t cost all that much. They’re pretty short and fun reads. And even though they’re not the most consistent comic right now, it is still fun. And if you like G.I. Joe, it’s great to see your old friends again, fighting for what reason? It doesn’t matter. The fact is that they’re not just sitting there being bored.

I got a great idea for a comic book. I don’t think this has been done yet. We’ve seen Conan the Barbarian fight Wolverine in What If, but has Conan ever battled G.I. Joe? Be a great issue. It would be very short. Because here’s what would happen. Conan would grab Scarlet’s ass and she’d kill him.

So finally after 100 years Conan would die. And then that would be it.

Yo Joe.