Daily Comic Book Mission #034: Groo the Wanderer #2

Alright, comicbook dot beer is your home for the daily comic book mission. The problem here is that I'm recording two of these back to back, and I just finished the Spawn number one recommendation, which you should have read by now. That was your mandatory reading, your mandatory suggested reading that you have to read. But there's really only one way to say Spawn, like the old Sega Dreamcast game. Spawn!

This time I'm talking about Groo. So I feel like I need to say Groo in a similar fashion. Groo! The Wanderer. Groo could be even more evil and badass than Spawn because Groo is the Dragon Killer. Groo! In issue number two from April of 1985. It's hard to go from Spawn to Groo. That's part of the reason I like doing these. These are fun. Who wins in a battle of Groo versus Spawn? Chuck Norris, who was so badass that he even defeated life. So rest in peace to Chuck. It's always a good night to watch Invasion USA. Alright, let's get started here on Groo the Wanderer, issue number two, your daily required comic, your daily required reading, your daily comic book mission. I love this issue.

It's hysterical. It's a lot better than the first issue. Even though I think if we were taking it back to the beginning, like you don't know much about Groo if you're reading this in 1985. By now you kind of know that Groo is a parody of Conan the Barbarian from the wildly talented Sergio Aragones and Mark Evanier. It's just a hilarious book where Groo always brings bad luck. He's a moron. He enjoys a good fray, which is a battle. And in this issue, Groo enters a town with a minstrel and they're singing a song about Groo. Let happiness be everywhere, let joy be unconfined, we'll have a celebration and we'll drink until we're blind. I sent a picture of that to my buddy who told me it was a Grateful Dead lyric. Now I don't know a damn thing about the Dead because I can't stand them, but my response was the Dead ripped off Groo. I have no idea. Not a clue. Look, even I'm rhyming. Soundgarden greater than Grateful Dead. You know it's true because I'm reading Groo. How are you? What's new? Dragon killer!

So Groo gets thrown in prison after they go singing this song through a funeral procession, which is in one of those beautiful two page spreads that Sergio Aragones does to open his issues. All these little details you can look at and it's so much fun to read Groo. And they're all looking at him like, what are you doing, no, you can't be singing this happy song through the funeral procession, so they throw him in prison. And while they're in prison, they overhear that the king's son died trying to kill this dragon called, I want to say the Mimosa, but it's not the Mimosa, it's the Mokosa. It's a very different thing. The Mokosa. If the one who slays the Mokosa, which is this terrible dragon that threatens to burn down the village unless they give it gold and jewels and women and wine, the king's son died fighting the thing. So the minstrel sings a song about how Groo is great at fighting mimosas. God damn it, the Mokosas.

This is what happens after a beer that I may have enjoyed during the Spawn review, sorry. Back to back recordings, you know they're the best. Checkpoints! Congratulations! The winner is me! Alright. It's my website, I can do what I want. Free of corporate tyranny. I will not live under that yoke. Love this. I don't know what page number this is, but there's this great shot of Groo. Aragones must have had so much fun drawing this character. It's so different than anything else from the 80s. And the thing with the Groo style is you wouldn't even know these were from the 80s. It's timeless. Nothing else looks like Groo the Wanderer. There's this great shot where he just looks maniacal. Can I see the princess I will wed as part of my reward? Can I, huh? Can I, huh? He's really excited because whoever kills the Mocosa gets to wed the princess. But she could be annoying. A mimosa might be way better. Anyway.

Princesses can let you down. I've never been let down by a mimosa. I'm just saying. Wow. This one got derailed fast. I love the way Aragones draws dragons. This is wonderful. Wonderful shot in here. So Groo rushes the cave to fight the dragon. The Mocosa. It's very Monty Python. The minstrel is just singing this song about how the dragon is going to tear him to pieces and kill him. Actually, I'll read some of this for you. Hear him scream to Timbuktu. Nothing fazes mighty Groo, though his legs may break like glass, though the dragon chew his... And Groo goes, shut up! Da da da da da da, because I'm the nurse who likes to... Here's a shot where Groo just keeps going off subject. Drugs. Charlie Sheen's best role ever.

So Groo rushes into the cave and this huge wave of fire comes shooting out of it into his face. And he tries it again. So the minstrel convinces him to go in from the rear and sneak his way around into the cave. It's so well illustrated and storyboarded too. Aragones is apparently just being good at everything.

Groo sneaks into the cave from behind. It's filled with jewels and gold and wine and women who are walking around in metal bikinis carrying jello molds. I mean, if that doesn't sell Groo, I don't know what does. Look at the Leia bikini carrying a jello mold. And then they all attack Groo, and we find out there's this old guy hanging out in the cave who's like, I'm the Mocosa. And all along they've been fooling the villagers who have been giving them their gold and their women. There's just a cave filled with gold and women, and the women are all disgusted by Groo, who's just shoveling plates of food into his mouth. And I don't really want to give away the ending, but let's say that the town might be buried in lava. It's really funny.

And that's Groo, issue number two. Now I'm through. So good luck to you. Reading Groo the Wanderer, issue number two, your daily comic book mission from ComicBook dot Beer. Spawn! GROOOO! Groovy.