Daily Comic Book Mission #007: G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero #5

Is everyone ready for your next Daily Comic Book Mission? I hope so because it's a good one. Taking it way back to 1982, November of 1982, for an early issue of G.I. Joe, A Real American Hero. This is issue number five. I'm introducing it like it can say something. It's right here.

[flopping comic book sound]

One of my favorite G.I. Joe issues. In part because I love the tank, the MOBAT. I actually had that thing. But primarily, in addition to the fact that it's just a great issue, Steeler is in this one. And Steeler is one of my favorite Joes because Steeler is from Pittsburgh, just like me. So you know Steeler's got a special secret compartment in that MOBAT to stockpile some cold Iron City. Because you don't want to be out there in the field waiting for Cobra without a cold Iiron in your hand.

That's probably not responsible. It's a plastic tank. It doesn't matter.

The issue starts off with three old school Joes: Steeler, Breaker, and Clutch, all flirting with Scarlett, who's making them look like fools. They're all bragging about the tank, and she's like, yeah, whatever. No, seriously, I don't care. You're all morons. Stop looking at me. Go away. And the plot of this issue is that they have to drive this super advanced 1980s tank down Fifth Avenue in New York on a military day parade. And it's not armed. Got it? Okay, maybe there's some Iron City in there, but otherwise it's not armed with live ammunition, not that you couldn't consider Iron City... nevermind. It's a plastic tank.

Now as you might imagine, Cobra is up to no good, and their plan is to steal this tank from the parade. They would have gotten away with it too were it not for those meddling Joes who figured out what they were doing and start to employ tricks like screaming into the microphone since they don't have any depleted uranium rounds. They could throw some Iron City beer cans at them. That's what I would do.

Don Perlin does the pencils on this one. Larry Hama is the writer. And it's just a great classic issue of G.I. Joe. Back before they had to shoehorn in a hundred new
characters, they just had this classic team of Joes. Breaker, Clutch, Scarlett, Snake Eyes. General Flagg is in this one. And on the Cobra side, we've got the Cobra Soldiers. Cobra Commander and the Baroness. So this predates a lot of the Joes that we know pretty well these days, like Roadblock and Duke didn't show up for several issues.

And I love the part where they submerged the tank. There's also a sweet ad for Lock and Chase on the inside back cover. Ooh, and a sweet ad for Star Wars Jedi Arena for the Atari 2600 on the back cover. This was like the golden age of Atari advertisements in comic books. This is why I like the original ones, because you get the ads. But if you're going to try to hunt down an actual issue of GI Joe issue number five from 1982, this one will cost you a couple bucks. Some of these early Joes are holding their values these days. You can find this one in lots of collections. It's probably in your library by now. It's obviously been out for quite some time.

The adventure is yours with Dungeons and Dragons! Back when Dungeons and Dragons was new. There's all kinds of good stuff in here. I love the ads. See, now I'm just distracted looking at ads. Live chameleon free! Nothing is free. What's the catch on this live chameleon here? With an order of six months, a six month supply of chameleon food and 200 mealworms... Hey mom, I ordered 200 mealworms. Don't leave them out in the sun. Actually, would that even, I don't know anything about mealworms. What do we do? You order a, you have to order this with a terrarium. And a cover. It includes free food, but I also get a free chameleon nine, $9.95 plus a $1.50 shipping. That was super expensive. From Leaping Lizards, they've only got a P.O .box so we can't track them down. From Dallas, Texas, live chameleon for free. This is probably the most attention anyone's given this ad in like 40 some years. And I'm very proud to have done this.

So... also, lonely? Don't be. I'm spending more time on the ads than the comic book. Wait, how do I not get lonely? Am I lonely if I have a chameleon? Proven methods and sound advice for both guys and girls on how to meet and keep girlfriends and boyfriends regardless of shyness, looks, and inexperience. For your privacy, the envelope marked only the Golden Institute. They've also just got a P.O. box. They're from Florida. ah.

No, I'm not ordering anything from Florida. That's where I draw the line.

All right. Have I sold you now on this? Well, really you have no choice because this is your daily comic book mission, which is partly inspired by Special Missions from GI Joe. Whenever I hear the word mission, I just immediately go to Special Missions, which were great. I'm sure I'll be talking about those a lot. But, but this is your assignment for today. Go hunt down a copy G.I. Joe issue. Number five, all the early Joes are great. Issue three is really good. Obviously, issue 21 and the one with the tank is awesome. Thanks for listening to ComicBook.Beer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a chameleon to order. ^