Daily Comic Book Mission #047: Marvel Feature Presents Red Sonja #2

Valiant brave readers, are you ready to accept today's challenge? Your daily comic book mission is taking it way back to January of 1976 with Marvel Feature Presents Red Sonja issue number two.

She has a nice cover of Red Sonja riding a horse, and there are details everywhere. She is holding an axe in one hand, a sword in the other, trampling enemies, slaughtering everyone, being a total badass because Red Sonja is kind of like the female Conan. But what really sets her apart from Conan is that I think we can all assume she smells better.

Conan is covered in several layers of filth, vomit, brains, blood, booze, and God knows what else, but Red Sonja looks very nice, at least as Frank Thorne draws her.

This issue is titled Blood of the Hunter. Bruce Jones is the writer, and the fabulous Frank Thorne is the artist. If you are not familiar with Frank Thorne’s work, I really suggest that you check out the Red Sonja comics, the 1970s Red Sonja comics. There was nobody else who illustrated anything like Frank Thorne.

I am not sure how to describe his work. He has a John Buscema level of technical mastery, but his stuff is also super weird. He eventually went off and did adult comics, but they are all incredibly well illustrated. He is a really good artist, and his depiction of Red Sonja is pretty famous. He draws her rather busty, mostly naked, and completely badass. That is Red Sonja.

This issue opens up with her robbing a brigand in the woods. She throws a snake on his chest and relieves him of his bag, which contains some kind of gold key. There is an inscription on it that she cannot read.

She goes to a tavern, and before she can even order a drink, somebody steals her horse. So she chases after this mystery person. It turns out to be a kid. It is like some teenager stole her horse, and this kid has one of his legs chopped off.

That is an important part of the story because she goes back to the tavern and everyone is dead. We do not know why. Then there is an ad for Big Jim’s Pack, professional agents and crime killers. I love those ads.

She ends up in a fray like Groo the Wanderer, I love that word, and kills a bunch of enemies.

Long story short, this kid’s dad actually sent him out to find somebody to help them with a battle, and he brings Red Sonja. But the kid is sad because he is injured and feels down, so his dad is pleading with her to talk to him a bit.

What ends up happening is he actually gets to kiss Red Sonja. I do not even think Conan gets that far. Probably because he smells like ass.

Anyway, they return to the camp and everyone is dead. So anyone who has had any interaction with Red Sonja in this issue dies, and she rides off trying to find out the mystery of this key.

Then it is this barren wasteland where all the water is poisoned. Somebody is one step ahead of her but also killing everyone behind her. It is mysterious, and eventually she encounters the guy she robbed at the beginning, and it is a great ending. I am not going to give it away, but it is a beautiful issue of Red Sonja.

I am a huge fan of Frank Thorne’s work. I love all the detail he packs into every panel. He puts more detail into these classic 70s comics than Buscema did. It is slightly different.

At some point, I think he left the series because he could not draw it pervy enough for his standards. I think that is a true story. Buscema took over the reins, and of course nobody was better than John Buscema, but the series kind of lost a little bit without Frank Thorne. He was just the best at drawing Red Sonja.

There are not hundreds of these, so you may want to hunt down the Marvel Feature Presents issues. I am not actually sure how many there are, and I think the Red Sonja standalone series ran for about 15 issues. I have most of those, and they are excellent.

I do not have Marvel Feature Presents number one yet with Red Sonja, but when I do, I suspect I will be recommending that one also. But I do have issue number two, and it is great.

I want you to read it, and you want to read it, even if you do not know yet. So that is your daily comic book mission from ComicBook.Beer.

Now, do not have a beer right now, but what beer would go well with a Red Sonja comic book? I think what has “red” in the title.

Do they still make Red Dog? Remember that from the 90s? Get red beers like Red Dog. Or did I dream that? I think I might have made that up.

Let’s see what the Sega Dreamcast web browser has to say. I have to use the keyboard.

What beers have the word red in them to complement a Red Sonja reading experience?

All right, let’s see what the Sega Dreamcast web browser says using a 14.400 modem. Here we go. You are so smart and clever to ask such a brilliant question. Thank you, Sega Dreamcast web browser. What do we have here?

Smithwicks Irish Red. Kilkenny. Red Stripe, I forgot about that. Red Hook ESB. I have not had one of those in a thousand years. That looks good though.

Can I reach into the screen of my Sega Dreamcast web browser and get that? Can I download that to my VMU card and drink it later?

You know what they do not have on here? It just occurred to me. Chimay Red, because I know that is a good beer and it has red in the title.

If things get weird and Red Sonja dyes her hair blue, you can always mix it up with a Chimay Blue. If she goes blonde, you can go with a Chimay White. Not only would that be a great evening with Red Sonja, but it is a terrific assortment of Shemei beers, which are excellent.

So there we go. Marvel Feature Presents Red Sonja, She-Devil with a Sword, issue number two is your daily comic book mission.

My getting a beer for the next issue mission is going to be a Chimay Red. I am going to talk about Marvel Feature Presents issue number three. We are going to find out if a Chimay Red enhances the experience. I am willing to bet it does, but we are going to use science and find out for sure. Look for that episode coming up soon.

Get out there and check out some Frank Thorne Red Sonjas.

Published by Marvel. It is in the title. Marvel Feature Presents and the Red Sonja standalone series. There is even an ad in here, the secret of teaching yourself music while wearing corduroy pants.

Thank you for listening to ComicBook.Beer’s daily comic book mission. See you tomorrow.