Daily Comic Book Mission #046: Conan the Barbarian #46

Welcome back to your daily comic book mission from ComicBook.Beer, where we are taking it back to 1975, January of 1975, for Conan the Barbarian issue number 46. And this one has a very memorable cover because there is literally a disco ball monster fighting Conan the Barbarian. Go to the website and check this one out.

And tell me that monster is not just like an anthropomorphic disco ball with hands and scary eyeballs that is reaching for Conan like, you do not like the Bee Gees, die. And Conan is like, no, but seriously, I do. Because who does not? Like the Bee Gees. It is a rhetorical question. You love the Bee Gees. Even if you have no idea who they are. Though if you are listening to this, you probably do. You are my demographic.

And this is a somewhat disjointed Conan the Barbarian issue, though a really good one. It is different because if we look at the front page here, it is called The Curse of the Conjurer. And it looks like a normal Conan, because Conan is riding on a horse looking badass. Why bother with clothing? He is Conan. He has got his loin cloth, his belt, and his sweet boots.

John Buscema and Joe Sinnott are the artists on this one. Roy Thomas is the scripter, but it is freely adapted from the Belmont novel Cothar and the Conjurer's Curse by Gardner F. Fox. So this is not based on one of the original Robert E. Howard stories.

Conan is riding through the wasteland here. He feels like there are things following him, and he is right, because they attack him and he fights them off. But then there is this magician in the middle of the desert, a weird magician just sitting there in the middle of the desert. He has this cube with fire in it. He is like, hey, what is up? This is not weird at all, but I need you to take this cube with fire to this other town and give it to this other guy.

Conan is like, I do not believe you, this is weird. And he is right. And the wizard is like, no, seriously, I need you to do this or else you die. And Conan is like, oh well, all right. I guess if you put it like that. So that is the first couple of pages of this book.

And then Conan wakes up the next morning. The throw rug is still in the desert, he eats the food left over for him, and then continues on his journey. When he rides through this nameless village in the middle of the desert, he discovers a beautiful young woman who is tied to a stake in the middle of town, surrounded by angry villagers who are about to burn her alive because she is a witch.

You cannot read any of this dialogue without hearing Monty Python in your head, like Eric Idle screaming the whole time or something. Instead of building a bridge out of her, they are going to light her on fire. And Conan is like, no, you cannot light this beautiful young woman on fire because it is implied that I have got a chance with this woman. So no, I will fight every one of you to the death. And he does, and he saves this woman.

And then she is like, okay, cool, but we need to go to this ruined castle at the outskirts of town, which is Zoqquanur's castle or whatever. I love how they spell this guy's name. Her sorcerer employer, I guess she is like a housemaid for this guy, Z-O-Q-Q-U-A-N-O-R. So I think you can try playing that in Scrabble next time. Good way to get a thousand points.

And Conan just really wants to get laid. He slaps her on the ass and she is teasing him.

We are not really sure why, what is going on yet. I think those of us who have been reading Conan for a while just expect her to turn into a monster and try to eat him or something. But instead she leads him to a monster, which is what happens. She leads him through this wreck, through this burned-out castle from her sorcerer employer, friend, whatever.

And we then encounter this huge rock monster, and the way they color him, it looks like a giant disco ball. So I just call him the disco monster, whose name is Shokkoth, which actually could have been a cool disco band name back in the day, or at least like an early 80s hair metal band. Everybody rock out to Shokkoth with two Ks, S-H-O-K-K-O-T-H. If you could write that logo in a Megadeth-style font or something, it might work.

Conan fights this monster, and it ends on a cliffhanger, so I am not going to give it away. It is a pretty fun read. This whole era of Conan is good, and this one is a little different than the others.

Definitely it has a slightly different vibe, but it is still Conan the Barbarian kicking ass, just desperately trying to get drunk and get laid, and fighting a giant disco ball monster. What could go wrong?

Conan the Barbarian issue number 46 is your daily required reading from comicbook.beer, your daily comic book mission. Thanks for listening.

To Shokkoth. Opening for Anthrax this weekend only.