Daily Comic Book Mission #039: Absolute Batman #16

Welcome back to your daily comic book mission from ComicBook.beer. Today I’m taking it way back, like just a few weeks ago, to Batman. To Absolute Batman. Sorry, gotta clarify this one. Absolute Batman, with just a hint of Citron. Someone had to make that bad joke and it was going to be me. Issue number sixteen, the one with Wonder Woman on the cover. He’s like, go to hell, and she’s like, she looks like she’s going to kick his ass. Love the posture, like Batman’s poor posture, it’s great. There’s a lot of style in this series. Really good artwork. Written by Scott Snyder and Nick Dragotta just brings it. Here with issue eighteen—sixteen. Eighteen’s the new one. Issue sixteen, Bat Out of Hell.

Is it possible that younger readers don’t know that was a Meat Loaf album? Has enough time passed that people don’t associate that with MeatLoaf? Or is Batman’s favorite song Paradise by the Dashboard Light. Who can say. I just recorded two Transformers daily comic book missions before this and I know a lot more about Transformers than Batman, so hang in there, bear with me. I know next to nothing about Wonder Woman. Except that Lynda Carter was basically like Erin Gray but not in the twenty‑fifth century. And with less clothes.

The list of things that are wrong with me is very, very long, I’ll be honest with you. I probably could use fixing, except at this point it’s too late. So let’s take it here, the Gotham Museum of Natural History. This is like a standalone issue, but I think it has ties to Absolute Wonder Woman issue number fifteen, to see how Bruce was gifted this talisman. I’ve been reading all the Absolute Batmans and yeah, you need to go to a different issue to figure out how he gets this magic talisman that he uses to summon Diana, or Absolute Wonder Woman, who’s like Wonder Woman but totally jacked up and with a very menacing scowl. That is not Linda Carter Wonder Woman. She’s not going to just spin in the middle of the room and transform into her Wonder Woman underwear and you can pause that and rewind it and play it again and pause it and rewind it. Not that I would do that. You can do that if you want.

So Batman is looking for a way to transform his friend Waylon from crocodile mode back into human mode. As in the previous Absolute Batmans, which are all just nuts, they’re really good. It’s a really fun series. I’m not usually into superhero stuff, but I’ve been enjoying this one.

He wants to get something to help his buddy Waylon. And the only way you can do this is by going into this other realm with Wonder Woman, and they walk through this land of danger for sixteen days, but they do not go into any detail on how the two of them ate. Are there truck stops in this hell realm. Is there a Sheetz in there somewhere. Batman needs his protein. And actually, by the looks of it, Wonder Woman needs her protein. They must have a backpack filled with beef jerky somewhere. Again, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Lots of things.

They’re looking for this talisman and Wonder Woman is guiding Batman to this bridge and they’re going to fight this centaur whose name is Akrolis. The artwork’s great. It’s a lot of fun to read this and watch this battle scene, which ends kind of quickly because the centaur just kicks Batman right off the bridge. And then Wonder Woman keeps fighting him. But Batman hitches a ride on some kind of flying winged monster.

The end of the issue is actually really interesting because he doesn’t come away with this amulet or talisman or this thing you think he would need to save his friend, but he does. Because he took an arrow for Wonder Woman. Linda Carter Wonder Woman. They didn’t write that into the issue, but I think it’s implied. Or maybe I imagined it. Either way, that’s your daily comic book mission.

Absolute Batman issue number sixteen from DC Comics. Enjoy. What kind of beer do you think Batman likes? I was going to say bat beer. Maybe that’s a thing. Bat beer. He seems like the kind of guy who could invest in his own brewery and hire someone to brew his own beer. Bat Beer. Bat Beer Light. But now that I’m thinking about it, this is Absolute Batman. Batman is not just some filthy rich kid with a bat costume. He’s the son of a teacher, so he probably does not have his own special brewery.

Okay, so yes, that’s the difference between the Batman series. Got it. Good. All right. I spend too much time thinking about these things.