Conan the Barbarian #58 - Video Review by 80s Comics

Greetings and salutations. Welcome back to 80s Comics Pro for the review of Conan the Barbarian issue number 58. Hang on to something because this one is a wild adventure as we meet Belit. Look at her. She’s awesome, and so is everything else about this comic, as you’re about to see. Prepare for Big Jim’s Pack. You’ll see. 80sComics.com brings you the review of Conan the Barbarian issue number 58, taking it back to the 70s, January 1975, sword versus sorcery at its mightiest. It’s not sword and sorcery, it’s sword versus sorcery.

At last, by popular demand, Conan’s fiercest foe, the she‑devil Belit, Queen of the Black Coast, based on one of the very best Conan stories by Robert E. Howard, the original creator and writer of Conan. It’s a really good story. I’ve read that one and I loved it. I was super psyched to find out that I picked this one up for a buck or two a while ago and I picked up a whole bunch of Conans for cheap. My bad, this is from January 76. I wasn’t old enough to read back then, but I could have enjoyed the pictures. I can’t believe my parents didn’t buy me this one.

Queen of the Black Coast starts with Conan fleeing the city after he and his friends break every law and kill a bunch of people. He’s being chased to the docks and we get a nice bit of backstory here. Admire my shoddy dental work. If you haven’t read issue 57, this will get you up to speed quick. And you can pick up these awesome toys: Big Jim’s Pack, professional agents, crime killers from the 70s. These either look like the best toys ever or the greatest white‑guy blaxploitation film I’ve never seen. Either way, I’m pretty psyched about Big Jim’s Pack.

Let’s continue with Conan the Barbarian. Here’s the backstory. Conan has no time for judges. The secret of teaching yourself music is that sweet haircut and corduroy pants. Why keep depriving yourself of the thrill of making music when you could have that sweet haircut and corduroy pants? Also pick up a guitar and just play Led Zeppelin, it’s easy.

Conan and these pirates escape certain death. He basically just jumps onto this boat and says, let’s go, and they do, and then they sail down the coast. We get to see some scenery. Can’t believe they passed up that place. That looks pretty rockin’. She looks so wasted. Anyway, they stop to do some trade, and if you’re familiar with the story and the time period in which these were written, you know they would never write these today. Just a forewarning on that.

May the gods help us, Cimmerian. It’s Belit. And there she is with her warriors. Pretty kick‑ass character. They attack the pirates and Belit’s forces absolutely slaughter them. Amid the carnage, Conan casts away his bow and lays waste to those around him with a sword. His metal armor renders him all but invulnerable to spear thrusts and arrows. To make a long story short, the art and the writing are phenomenal. Nobody has ever been able to defeat Belit’s forces until Conan, and she is totally into him because of it.

Also, I want to wear Bruce Lee. This makes me so happy. I’m such a huge Bruce Lee fan. Surprise. I’m going to mail this into a SoHo photo in New York and I’m going to expect a sweet Bruce Lee t‑shirt, which I will be wearing on the show after I lose three inches off my waistline. That’s not going to happen. But you know what is going to happen? Conan’s going to get lucky in this fight against that guy he kicks overboard, who then drowns and is eaten by sharks. Kind of a rough day for him, but Conan seems to make out all right after she gives him a little song and dance routine.

You immediately need to pick up issue 59, and by you I mean me, because I have 57, 58, and 60. It’s killing me. I need to get 59 so I can continue to enjoy the story of Belit, who’s a great character. It’s a really good story. And if you haven’t read the original Conan books, you gotta check out the short story. I forget the name specifically. It’s actually one of the longer ones, but anyway it’s really good. Conan the Barbarian issue 58 is highly recommended by 80s Comics even though it’s 70s. Remember, you gotta get through the 70s to enjoy the 80s.

And look on the back cover: the further adventures of Evel Knievel. Remember when Evel Knievel was popular? Well, not really, I guess, but Evel Knievel driving a Formula One dragster looks pretty awesome. I don’t want to learn music. I don’t care. I don’t need a drafting kit. What I do need though is that sweet Bruce Lee t‑shirt. A dynamite gift will never fade.

Big Jim searched the world for a crack team of specialists to protect freedom and fight crime. He found three tough, menacing men of action to form Big Jim’s Pack. Presumably that’s Big Jim. Nothing can stop the smashing assault of Big Jim’s Pack. I am so thoroughly intrigued by this. This looks like a blaxploitation film I would have on laserdisc. My stunner arrows will give them a few tips they won’t forget. My deadly steel hand will make sure the last thing they see is my dragon tattoo. I’ll whip them into shape before they can count the boomerangs in my bandolier.

Sorry, this is amazing. Pack members, I can’t promise anyone will come out of this mission alive. Some leader you are. Do they fight for freedom over land and air, or just threaten people after leaving the bar at three in the morning like that dude? The Whip, weapon specialist with his bullwhip, bolo boomerangs, and shini stick. He’s fully armed to take on any danger after drinking half a quart of Jägermeister.

Big Jim’s Pack. Wow. I can almost hear the cries and complaints on the internet that Mark spent more time talking about the advertisements than the comic book. The ads in this one are amazing. God forbid you have fun reading a comic book you paid a dollar for.

Okay, so Big Jim’s Pack. My mind immediately goes to One Down, Two to Go on VHS or any number of blaxploitation films in my collection. My all‑time favorite being Black Belt Jones. A lot of them had artwork and type fonts like this. I don’t have Shaft nearby, but if you look at the Shaft artwork and type font, it totally looks like Big Jim’s Pack, which makes sense considering it comes from the same era.

I don’t know anything about Big Jim’s Pack or Big Jim. I don’t know Big Jim personally. There it is: Big Jim’s Pack. I forget, there’s a motor oil that has that exact same font. This looks to be a cheap line of toys from Mattel. I don’t know if there are comics based on these guys, but if I were to cast a movie out of Big Jim’s Pack, it would basically be One Down, Two to Go: Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, Jim Kelly, and Richard Roundtree. It really doesn’t get much better than that. The movie’s not very good, but the cover is. One can only hope that Big Jim’s Pack is as good as that.

I’ll see you soon on 80s Comics Pro. Professional. The most professional way to watch 80s Con. Now I want to watch One Down, Two to Go. Gosh, if only I had a VCR. There’s a VCR. There’s always one nearby.