Centurions #2 - Video Review by ComicBook.beer

Power Extreme. Welcome back to 80s Comics Pro, your professional source for shouting Power Extreme anytime, anywhere. I bring you the review of Centurions Issue Number 2 from 1987, an excellent 80s comic that you are going to love, or at least tolerate.

Power Extreme. Finally, the untold story revealed. Centurions issue number two here on 80s Comics from July of 1987. The second of four issues, the origin of the Centurions. And I have to tell you, I was a little bit dubious of the Centurions at first. Crappy toys that nobody bought, and by nobody I mean me. I did not know anybody who had Centurions. Did you know anyone that had Centurions? No, everyone was too busy playing with Transformers. Who had time for Centurions. But somehow they ended up getting their own comic book series, and it is growing on me. I kind of like this one. We have Magnum PI, we have that guy whose name I already forgot because he is forgettable, and we have Seeing Is Not Believing.

Don Hick and Al Vey do a really good job. A cruise ship has been sucked into this whirlpool. There is this random orangutan hanging out with them. A cruise ship has been sucked into this whirlpool. And this Centurion, he is the water Centurion, Magnum PI. He is the one with water specialties. He likes the ocean. He goes down into the whirlpool. The artwork is actually really good.

He discovers that a whale, but wait, it is not a real whale, it is a cyborg whale. Holy crow, you do not want a closer look, Max. That is no ordinary whale. It is a cyborg whale. When is the last time you have read a comic book with a cyborg whale. If you are me, it is 20 minutes ago. But for you, probably it has been a while. Power Extreme is what they shout when they transform into their super duper Centurion battle armor. So they call upon this guy. He is the land Centurion. They have air, land, and water. All right, everyone follow along with me here.

Again, really nice artwork there. Jake, that is his name, Jake. The one who is not Magnum PI. Jake gets teleported into the cyborg whale, which is actually a giant underwater battleship submarine thing controlled by Doc Terror, who is the bad guy. Obviously his name is Doc Terror. Doc Terror is not a good guy. That is Doc Terror and that is Hacker.

That is Crystal. Crystal has an important part to play but I will tell you that in a moment. What you need to understand first is that the Centurions are brave, they are heroic, and they save all of these people on the cruise ships being sucked into the Bermuda Triangle because what they are really trying to do is not earn a paycheck. They are not trying to fight for freedom over land and air. They are not even trying to save the earth. What they are trying to do is just get into her pants.

Literally, that is their primary objective. Especially the guy with the jaunty scarf. So basically the entire issue you kind of feel bad for her because they are all just a bunch of douchebags. Every one of them. They are all complete douchebags. Name the time honey and we are on the way. How about dinner and dancing. I am not a part of the plans, Ace. No thank you and keep your hands to yourself. She should kick him in the balls. That really would be funny. By the way, did you know that Mike Grell from The Warlord illustrated a Green Arrow story. I did not know that. I am going to have to hunt that one down. Green Arrow, The Longbow Hunters, a proper 1980s comic book. Speaking of 80s comics, this is like the epitome of 80s comics right here. Centurions. Because it is not good, but it is good. It is good because it is so far-fetched and so ridiculous, yet well executed. The artwork is very good. The writing is actually really funny. The characters are complete morons.

But maybe that is why I like it. You can only have so many truly heroic 1980s heroes. The rest of them have to be a bunch of rejects. Tom Selleck’s stand-in here, thrown off the set of Magnum PI four times for throwing up on other actors. Here is where we get the backstory of the Centurions. This guy, this is for all of you Seattle natives. People who, what do you call someone that lives in Seattle. A Seattlean, I do not know. I was born in Seattle. Three years after the Great Flood, but many years after Grunge. Soundgarden shout out. So I never knew the city without the Plexiglas seawall around it. Wait, do they already have one of those. I feel like they are going to need one soon. So he found his love of the ocean because he was surrounded by the ocean and the Plexiglas seawall and he is a genius. He looks like Magnum PI. Now here is this guy. I believe his first name is Jake, right. Was it Jake. You know what, if it is not Jake, it does not matter. Mr. Rockwell. He is the military guy. Rides horses. Shoots lasers.

Basically, he is bored because he cannot shoot people anymore, so he joins the Centurions. And the biggest ass of them all.

I try to keep these PG now, you know, because children are watching these. Some of you might be in your 30s. Fascinating Mr. McCloud. Weren’t you part of the original Planetary Exploration Team. Whatever. So here is the Statue of Liberty. It is New York. This guy is from New York. Beautiful skyscrapers and he becomes an astronaut. And look, there he is with his jaunty scarf hitting on Crystal.

And there is this freaking weird ad. What is the deal with that thing. That shot is creeping me out. Look at it. Do you not want to punch that guy in the face. He sucks. Hey look at that, but this part is great. Because he sucks, it is good. I do not think this would work nearly as well. I would not be nearly so excited if I liked any of these characters at all, but I do not.

Literally, seriously, Crystal is the only one with half a brain in this whole operation. So she books them on a talk show. This reporter. And Ace is hitting on her, takes her out to dinner. So he invites her up to their space station. And surprise surprise, she knocks him out because she is Doc Terror’s daughter and immediately you are rooting for her. The other Centurions lounging in their Centurion bachelor pad. What are these guys doing. Playing cards.

They do not trust her, so they are moderately smarter than these. And they teleport their way up to the space station after shouting Power Extreme because you cannot do anything without shouting Power Extreme. If you are going to go outside, just shout Power Extreme. Well, you do not even have to go outside. Just shout Power.

Power Extreme. I am telling you, it is fun. Hey, am I out of power or what. So much power. So much extreminess here. There is a space fight. Crystal kicks some ass after getting punched in the face.

For what is probably regarded as a third-rate crappy 80s comic, Centurions is pretty good. I remember liking the first issue, but maybe I do not recall it specifically if I was thoroughly excited about it, but this one is really good.

Thankfully I have issues three and four so that we, all of us together, can shout Power Extreme while enjoying more Centurions here on 80sComics.com. This is a classic 80s comic. The kind of comic I like to review because it is good. It is technically competent, but it is not good. It is stupid. But if it were less stupid, I might take it more seriously.

And the fact that I am not taking it that seriously means I can really have a good time reading it and talking about it. But the artwork is excellent. Really technically solid artwork.

I think it took me two issues to really appreciate the Centurions. I mean, I hate all three of them. I want them to drown to death or be eaten by dolphins or something, but it is Crystal I am rooting for. At the end of the day, Crystal cannot pick any of them. She can do better. You can do better. She could do better. She kind of looks like Scarlett. Power Extreme. Max. That is a sweet mustache Max has going on there. I really enjoyed the backstory with the Centurions. It is ridiculous. But I feel like they actually put some thought into this one. This reminds me of Visionaries a little bit. Visionaries was another one of these lines of toys that was not that popular. It was not like Star Wars or Transformers or anything. Same thing here with Centurions. I am not sure if they had a TV show based on this or not. I do not recall them having a TV show based on this. I kind of remember the commercials though, so maybe they did, I do not know. It is like they brought their A-game for the comic book. And I appreciate that. The writing is pretty funny. You cannot go wrong with any comic that has a cyborg whale eating people. It eats the boats, but the people are in the boats, so technically it is eating the people.

Hey, thanks for watching. 80s Comics Pro, you are a professional at watching 80s comics reviews. Also, you now know the right thing to say and trying to surprise your cat. Power Extreme. See you next time.

So much more professional.